Genre 3

Journal Entry #1
I was so excited the day I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for two years to have a baby. When I discovered that I was finally pregnant, the happiness was indescribable.
For nine months the happiness grew and grew. I thought I would explode with happiness. The two years I tried to get pregnant and could not, made me fell like a failure. Finally, we would have a tiny perfect baby. We could not wait to start planning for his or her future.
I will never forget the day *Adam arrived. All the happiness that had built up for nine months was destroyed in two seconds with two words… down syndrome. I cannot describe how I felt when I heard those words. Happiness turned to shock, sadness then anger. How could this be happening? Why me? I was expecting a perfect baby, but instead I got a disabled baby. I did not know any thing about Down syndrome and I sure did not know how to take care of a disabled baby.
All too soon it was time for me to go home. It had not been hard to take care of Adam in the hospital. The nurses and doctors knew what to do with him. I would hear them talking to him. They would say things like how soft his silky blonde hair was, how small and delicate his hands were and they would count his ten fingers and toes. It was almost like they did not see that he had Down syndrome, all they saw was a cute baby boy. But, all I could see was the Down syndrome; I could not get past that. All I could think about was that there would not be a need to plan for his future. Adam would always need my care, so he would never leave home.
I went home with Adam. But instead of leaving the hospital thrilled with my “bundle of joy”, I left feeling lonely and wondering what I was going to do with my broken baby.

Journal Entry # 2
When I look back on the day Adam was born, my feelings of shock, sadness and anger are gone. Now, I am overcome with shame. It was Adam’s fault he was born with Down syndrome. All I could think at the time was that it was all happening to me, but it was happening to Adam.
For the first few days that we were home, I expected everybody to feel as shocked, angry and sad as I did. But, they did not. Adam’s grandparents were as proud of him as any other grandparents and although we knew Adam would never play football on a team, his dad still rushed out and bought Adam his first football. Everybody was so excited, and I could not figure out why. Couldn’t they see that he was disabled and he always would be?
Adam is five years old now, and things have changed. I guess I should say I’ve changed. It took me a little longer than everybody else, but now I see past the Down syndrome to the child waiting to get out.
I sit and watch him play and realize over and over again that Adam is not a broken child, but just a child. Adam faces more challenges than most kids do, but he is still just a kid. He runs, jumps and climbs. He is somewhat of a “social butterfly”; he loves being around other kids. The football that his dad bought him is always close by, he is learning to throw and catch it.
Although Adam has Down syndrome, he also has the same needs as “normal” children. He needs to be accepted, included, involved and most of all loved. He needs to learn to be independent and confident. So, as his mother and the person that has grown to love him more than anything I will ensure that Adam gets what he needs. Through love, involvement, acceptance and inclusion I will help Adam become independent and confident. As his mother it is my job to ensure that Adam reaches his full potential as a person, not as a disabled child.
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